dead last

Mondays in theory are chill for me, compared to my Tuesdays and Thursdays. Extra time to sleep in, two interesting classes after chapel, and a lunch that always surprises me. Dgroup is in the evening, and I am otherwise free.

Today’s Monday included the best group project I’ve ever given, weather straight out of April, and feeling fabulous in my green-framed glasses. I’m low on contacts, so wearing my glasses has been a necessity……but at the same time, it’s been a challenge to me. I used to feel like a little kid in my glasses, or at least ignored by people who usually saw me with contacts and makeup. There’s some sort of freedom in choosing glasses and challenging people to recognize me anyway.

Our school chaplain’s girlfriend has been here all week, and they are really good together. I eavesdropped on their conversation for a wee bit, because I’m a sucker for a good relationship and I’m kind of wanting to hold a hand right now.

I’ve let go of a weight on my heart, and it feels good…..but I’d like something real again, someone who will love me as I am growing and figuring myself out.

I talked to God last night, about a lot of things. It’s been a while since I talked like He is my best friend. I cried as I remembered being fourteen and talking at the stars, because He is so big and it is helpful to look at something my human eyes can fathom slightly more than His glory.

I’m going to talk with Him in that setting more, where I pour out my heart and wait for His response. Is that called meditation? I think I’ll just call it talking with my best Friend, like I used to before I grew up and became sad.

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