an apology

This is an apology to my loved ones. I have not been my best these past few months but here’s a little thing I wrote for you. Please accept my apology.

It has not been exciting to love these past few months. Sophomore slump is a real thing and it really hit me via my friends. We were all very comfortable with each other this year and that did not always manifest in lovely ways. We learned, lived, and ate with each other, but I did not find it easier to love them. I think I expected more satisfaction to come from being in their lives. That was wrong and selfish and I have learned my lesson. Love does not mean a tummy of butterflies every time I see them, or a heart bursting with pride at every word they say. Love is appreciating the souls I get to call my friends and understanding how much the ordinary moments matter. I should not expect gratification to come from loving them, for I have claimed them as my people. They are broken vessels just like me. God has allowed me to love them for real, not just the fairy voices and picture smiles the world is allowed to see. This season of loving may not be very happy, but I am learning so well how it is to truly love someone.

This past weekend has been enlightening for me in terms of remembering how to love well. I promise to do better in loving you, my friends and family.

Please be patient with me?

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