half a soul divided

I’ve mentioned the markers in my life a few times before. It’s one of my favorite phrases to use, for it doesn’t necessarily refer to my best or closest friends, but people who have made an impact on my life, and for seemingly no reason.

One is my former neighbor, Mrs. Cheney. I babysat her boys for years and spent a lot of time in passing with her. She has known me since I was six and always talks about her memories of me in pigtails. Maybe you wouldn’t describe her as fascinating, but to me she is a steady and loving woman who has always been interested in my life and always presents me with a good conversation. She first lent me The Hunger Games and has always made me feel mature. She hasn’t needed me as a babysitter for a few years; her boys are practically teenagers now. I miss her a lot.

Another marker is my dear Abby. I say dear, for she is not one of my best or closest friends but I think of her often and smile because of her even more. She is passionate about everything (especially Disney World) and her laugh is crazy contagious. We have had the best conversations in the strangest places: bus rides back from an amusement park, walking to our literature class, standing on the side of a soccer field. She is wise beyond her years and her honesty is something I appreciate most. She can sense the topics not to dwell on and the topics when she just needs to push a little harder. She is moving to Germany with her husband in five days. I miss her already.

Lindsey personifies the term kindred spirit for me. She owns too many books, drinks too much coffee, and is sometimes too introverted. She appeared in my life quite suddenly with her chaplain/associate pastor husband. She says Emily and I remind her of herself and her best friend when they were younger. Her house is decorated perfectly, her children are beautiful, and I am privileged to know her life is a mess. She inspires me to keep dreaming about what I want my life to look like one day, and I know she’ll always support me. She is brave and smart and is making a good life for her family in Wisconsin. She was a hard good bye last year.

There are so many more markers I could name, but I’m scared to. See, God has a habit of taking those people away from me after a few good years. They are always taken away to bigger and better things, but my little self wishes they could always be with me. I fear if I name anymore markers God will allow them to fade away from me.

I need to work on this selfishness of wanting my markers to stay. Yeah, I know I need to trust God more.

Lord, help me? I know You are my true marker, the only One who will truly last……..I just still like my little human ones too. Help me reconcile the tears in my heart.


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