any sudden moves

I have held three different girls this week as they sobbed about God, school, and being homesick. I have stayed up all night with a girl who couldn’t close her eyes because the flashbacks were too painful against her eyelids. I have hugged girls I didn’t know simply because they looked as sad as I have felt.

This week has emptied, stretched, and exhausted me more than any other before. It is my job to know and love my girls, and I am finding it to be a more difficult and fulfilling task than I once thought.

I have not spent very much time by myself, but for right now that is okay. Maybe tomorrow night I will wander to my bench, the one overshadowed by trees covered in ivy. There is a spot just between the branches where you can see the stars, at least on a clear night. I like talking to God there—my thoughts come out better in nature.

People and community are the themes of this year. I have my girls, my friends, my fellow RAs, and my classmates. I am connecting with new people and going deeper with old friends and learning to be okay with always being exhausted by the ones I love.

I’ve already broken down once this month, in the presence of two of my closest friends. They prayed for me and hugged me and didn’t care that my face was red and the snot from my nose was obscene.

Love is hard and taxing but God always lets it come back around to you when you need it most. Love is very worth it.

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