so clear now

It’s going to be another green Christmas. Need I say anymore about my current state of mind?

I’m back at the insurance company but in a different cubicle, one that is more spacious and closer to people who give me more work to do (yay?) and has a much classier keyboard. Seriously, this thing has enough buttons to make me feel like a criminal overlord or something.

Between Friday (when I got home for break) and today, I know of at least three couples who got engaged. They are all general acquaintances so I’m happy enough for them but mostly just interested in seeing what the ring looks like.

Is that shallow?

Of course it’s shallow, but then I’m also at the point where unless one of my own friends gets engaged I really am not terribly interested. Most of the couples at school have been acting like they were engaged since the third date so it’s all rather become ho-hum for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still weird as all get out that we’re now in this phase of life, but I’m finding I don’t care too much about people who don’t affect my life.

This is still a recent development that maybe hasn’t quite caught up yet with my actions (so friends reading this, I do still worry some about other people who don’t matter in my life……but I’m working on it).

While showing kindness and concern to everyone is crucial as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have learned this past semester that practically speaking I can only focus so much energy on so many people. My girls, for instance, require varying levels of attention and so I’ve learned to only give what they need. The same kind of goes with my own friends: some relationships take more time and energy to sustain than others.

I have been given a certain quota of people to take care of this year and God is ever-faithfully breaking down my pride to help me see I only have enough in me to take care of those people………….and no extras.

(I definitely still want to see the rings, though)

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