light a flame in my heart

I’m not sure it’s enough anymore for me to think of my life as just mundane.

It is 57 degrees and I am sitting on a cold metal bench outside our building of Biblical studies. The flag post keeps clanging as these Ohio winds bluster through, and it doesn’t feel like January 11th. The lake is half frozen, still silent as my heart twists and I consider what the speaker said tonight at our missions conference.

I have brothers and sisters in Christ who are dying around the world because of their devotion to Jesus and His Word. They are being persecuted because they dare to say the name of Yahweh and not Allah and they are having every earthly person and thing taken from them. They are the Christians who have every excuse to be afraid and turn away from all that is hard, but they don’t. They continue to live out their Christianity in the most authentic way on earth: dying for the name of their Savior as He died for them.

I love Jesus and I have asked Him to be my Savior, but as the speaker said tonight there are Christians across the world who know and live in a deeper understanding of what it means to love Christ and die for Him.

The auditorium was quiet for a few moments as we were asked to pray alone to God and see what He would have us do with what was said tonight. Throughout this conference I have been wrestling with the idea that some people are called to live simply and some to live extraordinarily and that neither way is better or worse so long as you are living truly to how God has called you, according to your circumstances and talents.

I have wrestled because I do not know which life God has ordained for me to live out here on earth…….but I don’t think I’m wrestling anymore. I prayed that God would take my gift to create words and turn my thinking about it upside down, that maybe I’m not supposed to have a quiet life of writing for a marketing company and having the ideal family. I prayed that God would help me be brave in looking for opportunities as a writer somewhere that is outside my comfort zone and at an organization that is working every day to build awareness of the persecuted Church.

And, terrifyingly enough, I prayed that God would not let me forget that He has ended my wrestling thoughts and that His Spirit has prompted me to say those prayers. I prayed that He would push me on, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable and doesn’t make sense, and that He would allow me the honor to serve and protect my brothers and sisters who have faced abundantly more than I will ever know and who have loved our Lord with a passion that I will not comprehend until I am in Heaven.

I am sitting on this cold metal bench in damp winds that probably aren’t good for my laptop because I need to write this post, I need to write an account of what God has brought up in my heart tonight. It will no longer be enough for me to live a simple life. I need my ambitions to be matched with an organization that is striving toward the extraordinary in honor of the extraordinary God we serve and call our Father.

This is my account on January 11th, at 57 degrees:I am not going to live a simple life.

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