I think I will look back on junior year as the time when I went through the most self-reflection. I grew a lot (painfully) in sophomore year, but these past months have been about processing and talking about myself with people I trust. It is good to be quiet and listen to someone else tell you facts about who you are. The following are realizations that have come through journaling and talking and moments on my bench.
I speak in absolutes. My friends have been glaring at me whenever I say, “I hate everyone on earth” or “The best thing about growing up is eating French toast sticks whenever I want to” or “He is literally my favorite person (said about every professor I’ve had).” This is a trait I’ve picked up from my family members and I probably should work on because it’s not the most professional thing to speak in such extreme terms.
I am fairly judgmental. I make decisions quickly and like to stick with that initial decision until it works out or blows up in my face. I form snap opinions about people before I’ve really interacted with them and then (often times) come to find out they are actually fantastic and I’m just a terribly judgmental person. My roommate is excellent at calling me out on my judgmental moments (I’m going to miss her wisdom next year).
I am a sympathetic crier. Not to be like Gus in Psych, but I have found these past few months that I actually cry on behalf of my loved ones. I pride myself on being a rock who doesn’t cry in front of other people but this year has seen weddings, funerals, and “life at rock bottom” moments and I have cried during them all. I have finally accepted this fact and I think it actually fits well into the mosaic of me as a person.
I am passionate about (a lot of) things. I went to a Lord of the Rings trivia night last week and it was one of the highlights of my semester. I watched Arrival last month and could not stop thinking about how amazing the field of linguistics is. I have so enjoyed learning about different international relations theories this semester. Hospitality and missions are two topics I could talk about all day, along with Monet’s paintings and Greek mythology. My heart is full of different people and subjects and I can’t wait to see what else God adds to my storehouse of an organ.
My journal contains other realizations and conclusions but these are four of the major ones. I know I’m only twenty-one, and I will probably change and grow more in staggering ways, but I am in a cementing stage and I think these pieces of me will last for the rest of my time on earth.