a soliliquy

11:58 P.M.

I have three candles burning at once here in my room, each with a different level of flame and scent. This night to me is characterized by darkness with pockets of light. It’s not my most favorite night.

12:00 A.M.

My glass of sparkling grape juice is now gone, chugged in the first minute of 2018. My family declared that we much prefer sparkling apple cider but then beggars can’t be choosers. Maybe someday I’ll tap glass flutes with golden champagne at a swanky party with fancy dresses and people I adore.

12:02 A.M.

I’m not big on summarizing an entire year in one post on any sort of social media, especially since I’ve been in college. The years for me seem to run on a semester-summer-semester path, with every few months bringing their own lessons, joys, and trials. This will be the last year of such segments so perhaps 2019 will find me more willing to take a deep breath and look back on an entire twelve months at once.

12:04 A.M.

My silly neighbors are setting off fireworks. I just realized that I didn’t even wish for a kiss at midnight. Is that growth? I’d certainly like to think so.

12:08 A.M.

I wish every holiday could be on a Sunday. Starting such a day with a Sabbath gathering seems to put the mortal aspect in perspective (a word I struggle with in action but adore in thought). I’ve never thought much about the number eight…..I suppose it looks all right.

12:10 A.M.

My journals hold the resolutions and declarations for this next year, along with the lessons God has helped me through in 2017.

12:12 A.M.

I keep getting lost in thoughts and losing track of the minutes that pass. I hope I don’t lose track of the next twelve months, whatever they may hold. Currently, I picture them passing like the hour you have at a rollerblading rink—quick and slow, mostly fun but also painful, lots of falling on your butt and laughing as your friends pull you back up to join back in the circling under weird blacklights and with overplayed pop music all around.

12:16 A.M.

I don’t hate that analogy; in fact, I think I’ll continue thinking it through during the final week of break. There are many parts of life to think through while I’m here on the East Coast. My thinking alters so much on the drive back to Ohio.

12:18 A.M.

Twenty minutes later and I’m not unhappy with how this calendar year has started. Deep breaths, shaky prayers, and my head on a pillow will have to suffice until the sun appears again. Pleasant dreams and God bless you, my friend.

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